obviously today is tuesday. i have 3 and 1/2 more days to pack up this apartment. Super Mom came over last night and kicked my ass into gear. even as she was leaving i thanked her and said, "you know i would have never gotten that all done, if you weren't here" and she agreed and said she would be back wednesday. she knows i HATE to pack. i would rather take out the trash. and as some of you know, usher don't do pavement, christel don't do trash.
so yeah. i am not sure why i am dragging my feet on this. i KNOW i am a 4th quarter girl. and i KNOW i say i hate it here, but i am having a hard time leaving. leaving my friends. leaving a job with such awesome potential, leaving my family. i think that's the one that has me stuck in neutral. i have never lived more than 45 minutes away from my family. and now i am going to be a whole big plane-ride away. no more, "just stopping by" no more, "wanna meet for lunch?" no more, "just grab some green beans on your way over." no more, "could you stay here this weekend and watch the dog?"
no more "daddy, can you fix...."
no more "Z, wanna go see a movie?"
no more mommie hugs in 20 minutes or less.and that makes me sad beyond comparison.
sure, i am excited about moving back to texas. i am excited about Husband and i taking on the big bad world again. i mean sure, yay for new adventures COMMA
BUUUUUUT, i am so nervous. and anxious, and frightened, and excited, and scared, and sad.
and i KNOW i will get over some of this once i get to hug my husband again. the last time i saw him, i put him on a plane to Far Far Away on january 6. for those of you keeping score, that's almost 2 months since i have seen him. and if you think THAT isn't causing any stress in and of itself, well, honey, i got this bridge.....
it feeling disconnected from him that doesn't help any of this process. he isn't here at night to stroke my hair after i drive 30 miles from mom and dads SOBBING, to tell me everything is going to be ok.
he isn't here to help me with the packing, cleaning, stress, etc. BUT he IS there making a home for us. he moved there to make a better life for us. and he is busting his ass working so we can move this weekend. i know all of that. i appreciate all of that. and i try to keep all of that in perspective.
meanwhile, around here, it's Pity Party... party of one. and i need to snap the fuck out of it. i am being silly to worry about half the shit i am worried about like:
what am i going to say to my husband for a 20 hour ride in the moving van?
what if i don't make any friends?
what if Husband doesn't like me anymore after all this time?
what if its weird when we are living together again?
so, yeah. i am playing around in the shallow end of the crazy pool. with a distinct possibility of heading to the deep end this weekend. but like i was telling #3ga, "you gotta get all the way to the bottom before you can push off and get back to the top. "
and i also want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me and Husband in this CUH-RAZY endeavor. i can only imagine how whacked we are when we live together. i am sure its a hunnert times worse that when we don't. at least i thank the military for preparing us for this. we have done this once, and we can do it again. hopefully, this was the last time.
ok, now i gotta go get ready for my last playday with D. bring on the shopping and the tears!
14 comments:
mary, thank you!
i forget what a great friend i have in you!
christel, those people in Texas don't know how lucky they are or how much envy this girl in Kentucky has for them because they have you and I don't.
I love you scarecrow!
every time i drop i i get a coffee crave goin', weird huh?
sorry ya got the bloooz baybeee, why don't ya walk it on dooowwwn the liiine! (closet blues singer)
haha xoxxo's!
and a half!
seven,
YOU ARE SO SILLY.
reason # 78,643 i like you.
I'm with #4 on this one. Just hurry and get there so I can come see you. Love you more than cheese covered cheese.
OH, and yes, you DO look sexy in yo words, bay-bee.
hush. i know NOTHING about dave's shoes.
i am tottaly innocent. they walked themselves into my bag.
;)
jose, you can rest assured that texas will be glad to have you back....some of us have been missing you since you left! hell...maybe we'll find something in amarillo that's as much joke fodder as the lincoln memorial?
ok miss girl - reasons why this move is good.
more time with the hubby - you adore him, and he adores you ... and being together again is the right and perfect thing to do.
now i have an excuse for a trip to texas ... the return to the motherland
with you back in texas i will regain my reign as the best hair in the deep south
and as i'm learning - scary isn't always bad ....
and #3 i'm with what mary said - i will travel to wherever you are - there is no where you could go that i would not walk/drive/train/fly to spend time with you.
i adore you - and love you even more than that. thank you for being one of my very best friends ever.
you guys suck for making me smile.
and bring on the huggin.
so my husband calls me at o'dark thirty to say hi and then he feels the need to let me know that its a 25 hour ride to amarillo. not 20.
see, you are supposed to be taking the stress OFF my plate. not adding TO it.
Dumb Boy.
Remember first meeting and finding all the cool things out about each other and your heart jumping to your throat when he did something that totally made you swoon?
Just think, you get to do that all over again, but this time, you don't have to think about him going anywhere, because he is YOURS.
I miss the excitment of "discovering" each other after you've gotten settled into habits.
I say enjoy it!
And you are fabulous beyond belief, how could anyone not love you?
What Smash said + some.
Damn lucky Texas type people.
you guys are THE best. i love you all and i will make sure you each get a mention when i win my grammy.
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