Sunday, October 31, 2004
and i come home late last night after closing at the store... to a brother laying on the couch, watching movies with an empty pizza box in front of him... and his girlfriend... in his room. CLEANING it. and he is letting her. she said she just wanted to do it. i say she got tired of wallowing through the mire that is considered "Z's room". i gave the boy a ration of shit about it and he says, all defensively, "she said she had all this energy and wanted to clean. she even wanted to clean the living room, but i made her stop"
i think i might have to call BULLSHIT on this one, folks.
she got tired of the place looking like a dump. the end.
and THEN, she leaves and shortly after, the phone rings. it's her. the conversation goes like this:
... it's the stick on the right side of the steering wheel.
... yeah, push it all the way down, and then up one notch.
... no, one notch.
... the right side.
... then you aren't doing it right. (at this point i am thinking, what on earth could be going on in this girl's car, that she has to call HIM to figure it out)
... well i guess you have to drive home with the windows down.
... (frustrated voice) well, sorry, i don't know what to tell you.
... yeah. bye.
hmmmm.... so i asked him what that was all about.
him: she couldn't find the windshield wipers.
me: on her OWN car?
him: no, she is in my car.
him: because i didn't want to drive her home. i'm tired.
me: so let me get this straight, first you let this girl clean your sty and you lay on the couch watching movies while she does it, THEN you are "too tired" to drive her home so you send her off in YOUR piece of shit car to drive herownself home? (at this point i am getting a little vocal about it.)
me: that's really shitty. and sad.
him: we agreed upon it earlier. she said she was fine with it.
me: of course she did. she is one of those types of girls who does anything you say because she doesn't want to make waves. she cleaned your room and then drove herself home in your car, for fuck's sake.
and that brought us to the conclusion of that conversation. nice, huh?
BUT WAIT, there's more.
i also noticed, when i came home to get new clothes, that the computer i had turned off the day prior was miraculously on. and i know the cats didn't do it. and i know the aliens didn't do it. that leaves one other creature. Z. so, i turned to computer off when i left.
and when i got home on sunday, it was on again. those damned aliens.
and then this morning, when i was straightening up the kitchen, i decided, on a whim, to check the likker cabinet. hmm... i don't remember the tequila being there. and that bottle of rum used to live at the back of the cabinet. gee... that's strange.
IT WOULD ONLY BE STRANGE IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE LIVING HERE.
but i do. and i asked him about it. because he had mentioned getting drunk at some point during the weekend. i asked him what he drank.
him: uhh... beer and tequila.
me: MY tequila?
him: yeah. i'll buy you some more. (keep in mind he is only 19 and i will probably be the one to actually BUY the tequila)
me: you mean the tequila that i got on my 21st birthday that i save for special occasions.
me: you mean the t e q u i l a that i got on my 21st birthday that i s a v e for special o c c a s i o n s.
him: oh. i didn't know.
me: BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ASK! just because you live here does not give you free reign over anything housed within these walls. i turned off the computer this weekend and you still got on it. we bought beer so that WE could drink it and you drink my tequila as well. you cant just get into peoples stuff without asking. if you want something. ASK FIRST!
him: uh. ok. fine.
grrrrrr.....and i marched off to my room. to tell all you nice people about it.
children. i swear.
Friday, October 29, 2004
i have noticed that i have reverted back to a 14 year old girl. (yes, i know, some of you think that is considered "growing up" for me.....) and i have recently become BOY CRAZY. (when is the last time you heard that phrase?)
i have told Husband about this and he just laughs. and then says, "you can look, but don't touch" what sort of shopping rules are those?
so i have compiled a photo montage of Boys I'd Like to Lick. (not for the faint of heart)
for your viewing pleasure, i give you, in no particular order, the Lucky 13.
- my Husband
- andy pettitte (now pitches for the Astros)
- johnny damon (newest World Series champ)
- orlando bloom (i'm speechless)
- brad pitt (umm... again, speechless)
- LL Cool J a.k.a. Lady's Love Cool James (just give me an hour to kiss him. the only thing better than HIS lips, are my husband's lips)
- joey harrington (QB for the Lions. used to play for the Oregon Ducks)
- johnny depp (pillage me)
- jason la rue (catcher for the Cinci Reds)
- vin diesel (*drool*)
- chris isaak (he sang to me for over 2 hours, once)
- benjamin bratt (if he's good enough for julia....)
- matthew mcconaughey (a boy from the Lone Star State... how could you go wrong?)
TADA! this has brought me about half way out of my funk. now its only 25 more days until i see my #1. YAY!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
a blue period?
fuck it. i'm down. not out... just down.
and i don't want to fix it. i just want it to go away.
i have been anti-social and that just ain't me. i haven't called 2 of my very good friends since i have been back from texas and i feel like a schmo for that... and then that adds to the funk. so i feel bad because i haven't called and haven't called because i feel bad. vicious cycle. i have been invited to a halloween party with some of my favorite gay boys... and i am probably not going. how stupid is that? (besides the fact that i hate halloween)
work sucks. a lot. a whole lot. sucks on ice.
since i am leaving in 3 months, i need to train my replacement. now we all knew who the replacement will be, and she works there and i love her. no problem there. the problem is that what was supposed to be a gradual process, came as one fell swoop. what was supposed to transition from manager ... came as WHA-POW! bottom of the food chain. i feel like i have been demoted. that's not the case, but i feel that way. but maybe i am reading too much into all of this. maybe the other employees don't really feel confused about who they should ask about stuff? maybe the vendors that call don't know who to ask for? maybe the answers to the questions aren't my responsibility anymore. maybe im just fucked in the head. yeah, that must be it. and the holiday season is coming. fast. like it will be here tomorrow. and i have gift baskets that will be coming out of my ass in a matter of weeks. stressed? no. nuh-uh. not much. and i know that once gift baskets are done, then that means christmas is over and then i have to pack to move. to another state. away from my family, friends... to strike out on our own. i am super excited about living in amarillo. it's the getting there part that makes me want to crawl in a hole. a big hole. with a one-way opening.
and i am sad because i had a wonderful weekend with my husband and had to say goodbye all over again. so the roller coaster is now creeping back up the huge incline before the 984 foot drop. chucka chucka chucka chucka.... and i miss him. so much. yeah, it was nice the first few weeks when i got to play bachelor-girl. now i am just a wife with a displaced husband. no more game. just the lonely. and the act that we talk maybe 7 minutes total, each day isn't helping. we went from 72+ hours together to 3 and 4 minute phone calls. talk about a screeching halt. this shit sucks.
and my father-in-law is a daily stress factor. he is at the very top of the "Things To Stress About Today" list. his health is bad. his mind is going. he is lonely. he is poor. he has to fight with the VA on a daily basis. and he doesn't walk so well. his wife (and caregiver) died almost a year ago... and he hasn't even grieved for her, yet. granted neither have i. because grieving about it, is admitting it happened. and i DO NOT want to get on that bus ever. (yeah, can we say denial?) so i feel totally helpless when it comes to the subject of Daddy Mike. real helpless. but that man calls me everyday. to check on me, to tell me how he is doing, to tell me that everything is going to be ok. after all the shit this man deals with on a daily basis, he calls ME to tell me that everything is going to be ok. how amazing is that? but i know deep down, that when we talk, it's therapeutic for both of us. if he can hear about my mundane shit, it helps him get his mind off of his major shit. and making him laugh is one of my favorite things. he told Husband once, that he made a vow to himself to make his wife laugh every day. and he did it too. and Husband does it now, as well. and i now do the same thing to Daddy Mike. full circle, i guess. but it works. and he calls this morning to let me know that he was worried about me yesterday. he called probably 6 times. and i never picked up the phone. (the funk, remember) and i felt horrible about it. so i apologized this morning and told him i was in a funk and he tried to bring up stuff that he thought i would be happy about, but some of the stuff is the exact reason i am stressed. poor guy. the conversation was like this:
"i don't wanna talk about that. "
"well what about....."
" i don't want to talk about that either."
"well, just remember....."
"yeah, that's stressing me out too"
poor guy. he was trying so hard. and i love him for it. and then he told me if i wanted to stay in my funk, i could. and that made me happy. ummm... happy-er.
so, i have found that when i am in a mood like this, the best thing to do is let me do it on my own. don't try to cheer me up. don't feel bad for me, just hug me. silently. i will come around. usually. but for right now, if you don't hear from me.... don't worry, i'm fine. i just got the blues.
i think i will go listen to some muddy waters now.
Friday, October 22, 2004
anyway, where were we? oh right. the reunion.
so we got there and checked in and got our badges. they used the worst picture possible for me. i was a wee bit heavier (read: a LOT heavier) when i graduated, and that's the picture they used. yay me.
so we started to see some of the people we were talking about earlier in the day. A and i start giggling because some of these people have not changed. certain individuals that we made fun of, ones we had crushes on, ones we thought were losers, and ones that picked on us. the boys had not changed much. the girls. a whole other story. wanna hear it? here it go.
it was a little nervous at first for everyone. a lot of looking once, then looking at the name tag, the blank stare while they ran through the mental list of "did i know you/like you/pick on you/hate you/fuck you?" and then when they made whatever match, they would either advance, or do the half smile and turn away. i mean UH-LOT of that. but then there were the "oh hey, i was hoping you were going to be here"s! so it was wide open, the responses we all got/gave.
so we see all the other girls we didn't like in school. they were either pregnant, or showing off pictures of their kids. this was the part that started to bum me out. i started threatening to show pictures of my empty uterus with the sign on it that said,
9 month Lease
GREAT starter home
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
"you start with the loudest one first and work your way down"
TADA, child-rearing, demystified.
so he held babies and didn't freak out. he held smaller children and didn't freak out. baby steps... baby steps....
so we left there, went to our room, took a nap and then got ready for dinner with other very close friends of the family, the B's.
(sidebar) the B's have a son, P, who is 2 1/2 years younger than me. it was through their son that i became part of the family. P and i decided that if neither of us was married by the time we I was 28, we would tie the knot. and were VERY serious about it. we never dated, but were sure we could make a great go at marriage. hell, i was already family. so, as you can see, i did NOT marry their son, but the B family welcomed Husband with open arms and even threw our wedding rehearsal dinner at their house after putting us up there all week, prior. so they are our family in every sense of the word.
dinner with them was fabulous. as always. P couldn't be there, but the youngest, M was there and she and Husband have a very special bond. they truly are brother and sister. the middle sister, C, lives in Cali, so it was a little far for her to come to dinner, although we were a small group, we had an uproarious time.
after leaving, we finally got some alone time. and we used it wisely. ;)
we had to get up the next morning to go to A's daughter's Pee-Wee football game, at which her oldest daughter, M was cheering. that was the cutest, funnest thing we have done in a long while. even Husband said, "if we don't have a son to play football, i don't mind being a CheerDad" how cute was that?
so we left there and had some lunch and decided to be total dorks and go see a movie. i know i know... we haven't seen each other in 6 weeks and we go see a movie. well, he doesn't want to go see movies by himself...and neither do i, so now that we were together, we can go see a movie together. shut up, it made sense to us. so we saw "forgotten". with julianne moore and the cute foreign guy. it wasn't a bad movie. it had some edge of your seat parts... and even some make you jump out of your skin parts. all in all it was a good movie. but i know you didn't come here to read movie reviews. you want the down and dirty about the conjugal visits. i know. well you AREN'T getting them. (my parents read this, not like they care, but i am going to use them as an excuse to NOT tell you about our horizontal mambo)
blah blah drove back to town, got ready for the reunion... Husband looked AWESOME. but, I.... yes, even I out-cuted him this time. partially because i bought his outfit, and knew ahead of time that i would out-cute him. we headed to A's for drinks. they looked just as awesome as we did. drink more wine... drink more beer. we even kicked it old school and had a Zima with a gummi worm in it. (another story for another time, but really funny if you can think in highschool drunk mentality) and we talked about who we would see there. we said that the hairiest guy in school would be bald, the boys we thought were too cute and preppy for us would be fat and ugly, and all the girls we hated would have married assholes and be miserable. laugh now... but just you wait.....
ate at chuy's and had more beers and drinks and food and the laughing and the nervous started to set in. now, since i moved away roughly 5 years ago.... i haven't seen some of these people in 5 years.... others, its been 10. sooooooo.... Cirque du Soleil has come to austin and they are performing in my stomach. yay. but i have to keep on a straight face, because my dumb ass dragged A to this thing. so i cant back out now. we get there and take a LONG time getting out of the car and going inside... and when we have reached the point of no return....
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
yes. i am back.
yes. it was fabulous.
yes. i miss it already.
yes. i wanted to stuff myself in husband's bag and go back to amarillo with him.
yes. i wanted to have someone else pack up our house and send it to us.
yes. i'm sad.
i left thursday morning and for some reason we flew to CHICAGO to go to dallas. hmmmm.... that seemed unnecessary. but after being in airplanes and airports for 5 hours, i arrived safely and soundly in dallas. i go pick up my rental and someone thought it would be funny for me to fly a thousand miles.... to then drive the EXACT SAME CAR as my husband. where's my cute little sportscar? where's my red and fast and snappy? oh no.... here is a nice TAN ford TAURUS. have a nice day.
at least i already know how to work all the parts and pieces.
so it takes an hour to get from the airport to my grandmother's house. and i was almost to her door when she opens it up and gives me a HUGE hug. she said she could smell me coming. (is that bad? i know i had been traveling all day, but damn... i showered.) so we chat for a while. she is looking well. she is tethered to a giant oxygen machine, so we all have to make sure we don't step on her air hose, but other than that, she looks like my grandmother. my oldest cousin shows up and i am just amazed at how much of his life i have missed. it seems like i only get to see my cousins about once every 2 or 3 years. here is this kid whose diapers i changed.... and he is now old enough to DRINK. that's crazy. i still have a hard time wrapping my head around that one. so them the tornado hits, the one that is commonly called, My Aunt and her Other 2 Sons. so i have 3 boy cousins. i am the only grand-daughter. (can we say spoiled?) now these boys are older than 18 as well. and i just look at them... and shake my head because they have become human type people. i still picture them as little boys. not no mo.
so we eat and talk and laugh and eat and then we all head back to my aunts house. i mean the Zoo. i hope i get this right. they have a Macaw named Big Bird. and when they first got the bird, the only thing it really knew how to say was, "Shut the FUCK Up". and i quickly realized why. i found myself thinking the very same thing multiple times throughout the night. they also have a parakeet named Lucy, an australian shepherd named Bandit 2, 3 cats, 2 rabbits, and iguana, and 4 tortoises? if i have remembered correctly. a fucking zoo. this woman has 3 boys between the ages of 21 and 18, and a house full of animals. i bet she spends a billion dollars on food a week. so.... that part of the visit was NOT boring at all. i got up the next morning and got directions that took 2 hours to get OUT OF DALLAS. holy fuck me. i gots places to be. people to do. namely my husband whose flight into austin was getting in at 1:35.
so i drive and drive and drive and drive.... and drive right through my hometown. which was odd in itself. and finally get to austin. and to the airport. and to the gate. and 20 minutes later, i get my husband. the love of my life i have not seen in 6 weeks. and oh my damn does he look good. i am surprised that he didn't have girls trailing after him. after we pry ourselves apart, we get his bags and we head back to my hometown.
(to be continued)
Monday, October 11, 2004
and then i thought i better put the air pillows down and get back to work, in case i got fired and then really was able to pursue a career in a bubble wrap factory. i'm sure it would be a GAS to work there. (har har)
Thursday, October 07, 2004
it's only 8 days till i see my husband!
in 8 days i get to hug him, squeeze him, kiss him, touch him and look at him. i can breathe the same air, i can hold his hand, i can occupy the same space as him. i CANNOT wait. i just want to crawl into his skin. 8 DAYS!
i have missed him more in the past week, than i have any other time. partly because i have an independent streak as big as the mississippi river. and partly because i was pacing myself. no good doing all my missing when he first leaves. better to miss him TONS right before i get to see him, then i get the gratification sooner. or some shit.
fact is: i miss him, but only for 8 more days.
also, i have realized that i eat like a bachelor when he isn't here. m&m's for dinner are ok, right? macaroni and cheese for breakfast is fine, right? chicken pot pie and ramen are acceptable lunch foods, right? provided i even eat at all. i have lost 10 pounds since he has been gone. i have also managed to set aside nearly $300. i am saving my tip money instead of feeding the 2 of us. who knew we spent that much money on food? but i put the money to good use. i bought tickets to my 10 year high school reunion for myself, my husband, A, and her husband. aint i nice? i like to think so. at the same time, i just spent nearly $300 to go see people i haven't kept in touch with for 10 years. why do i have to pay cash-money to see people i forgot i hated? OOOOOOH, that's right... to laugh in their faces. DUR!
i'm very excited. and nervous. and skeptical. what if it's all dorks who go to this thing? and we have to hang out with the band fags all night? (no offense to anyone who was ever IN band, dated anyone in band, was friends with anyone in band or related to anyone in band. its just an expression)
so as i was saying, before i so rudely interrupted myself....
i am curious. that's a better word. yes, curious.
but i still get to see my husband in 8 days. i don't even need to take off my shoes to count that high!
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
here's a list of strange facts about me.
- i DO NOT eat blue M&Ms... they arent normal. i even go so far as to SEPARATE them.
- i am afraid of the dark.
- i still have monsters living under my bed.
- i go to sleep laying on my stomach, covered all the way up to my shoulders, except for my left foot sticking out.
- i have mysophobia (fear of being contaminated with dirt or germs) i wash my hands a LOT.
- i will not eat after i touch money. i HAVE to wash my hands first.
- i hate to shake hands.
- i have an irrational fear of icebergs, too.
- i havent seen my natural hair color in 15 years.
- my toenails are ALWAYS painted.
- i hate halloween.
- i once had 22 bottles of various bathing concoctions in my shower at one time.
- i have never been on a horse. (odd for a girl from texas, huh?)
- i have never done shots of jagermeister.
- half of my (personal) wardrobe is men's clothing.
- i am really kinda shy.
- i met my husband online.
- when eating ice cream from the container, it has to be level when i am done with it. same thing goes for dip.
- i have to have a spoon in my coffee cup.
- i sleep on the left side of the bed.
- i once ate Play-Doh in order to hang out with some girls in my neighborhood.
- the first time i saw spark plugs, i thought they were an alien homing device.
- i couldnt watch gremlins all the way through. we had to leave the theatre.
- i didnt learn how to ride a bike until i was 9.
- i can't roller skate/ice skate/rollerblade.
- i have been drinking coffee since i was 2.
- i hate peas. i will pick them out of fried rice.
- i am allergic to chicken. but not eggs.
- i am allergic to my own state tree, and it's fruit.
- i love all things spongy and squarepanted.
- i had a cat named "shoes".
- i was once "institutionalized"
- i have a very high I.Q.
- i rode Space Mountain 18 times in a row when i was 15.
- i LOVE roller coasters.
- i hate wax museums.
- i once threatened to play "connect the dots" with the small moles and freckles on my husband's back.
- i am ambidextrous.
- i did not "walk" at my high school graduation. i was half a credit short.
- i bought my truck before i learned how to drive a stick shift. the salesman had to drive me on my test drive.
- i have worked in the coffee business for 9 years.
- i had a turtle named "soup".
- it bugs me a LOT when people let rain build up on their windshields before turning their wipers on.
- we once filled a friends truckbed up with water and lounged around in it all day.
- i make the best meatloaf, ever.
- more than half of my friends are gay.
- i eat the middle of the oreo first.
- i have seen neil diamond in concert.
- i have to potential to be an utter bitch.
- i know all the lines in Princess Bride.
- i still have my Paddington Bear from when i was 3.
- i am the only granddaughter.
- i am the sole responsibility of carrying on my husband's bloodline.
- according to an online survey, my "faith" falls into the Neo-Pagan category.
- i was told i was a Druid Priestess in a past life.
- i am done with this list.
Monday, October 04, 2004
yeah yeah, so it's called Join Me. it's a true story about a guy who decides to "recruit" a hundred people to form a "collective, not a cult" he then didn't know what to do with the people once he gets them, so he decided to have them do good deeds on fridays. thus calling it: Good Friday. he travels all europe, spreading his ideas. it is absolutely hysterical some of the things this guy gets into.
so, i read it. i really enjoyed it. i do good deeds on a regular basis anyway, but i try to do extra on fridays now because of this book. you should check out the website too. [http://www.join-me.co.uk/]
if you want to read the book, email me and i will send you my copy. see... good deeds already and its only monday.