Monday, August 30, 2004

for blue and white, we will fight.....

so...... my 10 year high school reunion is in october. yeah. i'm going. partly because i moved out of state and havent seen some of these fools in years. and partly because i feel an indescribable urge to really get my friend's ass there. she doesn't want to go. i mean kicking and screaming does not want to go. dragging her heels across the floor as i pull her kind of emotion about it. but i know there is a tiny itty bitty part of her that's really is curious about some of the people we went to high school with. at least i hope so. i will really drag her there if i have to.

back to my point, yes there was one. since this reunion is soon, i have been having strange dreams about people with whom i went to school. well, the dreams arent so weird, but the fact that some of these people are in them is the weird part. people i havent thought about since graduation day. RANDOM people. people i hardly even knew are playing vital parts in my unconscious mind. and i am alarmed by it.

see, i am one of those people who strongly believes in contact through dreams. whether it be by a dead person, or if the universe is trying to tell me something.

for example, i had a dream about my friend, J, and it stuck with me during the day. i even mentioned something about her to a co-worker. the next day, her name came up in conversation.... so i called her later in the day. i told her i "got the vibe". i asked her what was going on and why has her name come up twice in 2 days. she says she didn't know.. and we continued with the catching up. later she said that she was cleaning her apartment, or something equally mundane and put on a CD that we used to listen to a hunnert years ago, and then she said and it made me think of you. TADA! i KNEW it. the universe speaks to me.

but i have no idea why the universe is telling me about jonny tuckersmith*

we shall have to wait and see in october if something is up.

on a COMPLETELY random note. i usually like new slang words. but there is a new one that gets on my DAMNED nerves.

adj. Slang snark·i·er, snark·i·est
Irritable or short-tempered; irascible.

now the humor is that the word snarky, makes me feel snarky. how THE fuck does that work?

anyway i hate the word.

and that's all i have.
pizza's here.

*names have been changed to protect the weird muthers invading my sleep

damn, i had a great weekend.

so i drove down to atlanta to see one of my very good friends, who also happens to be a #3. and WOW did we have a great time.

i got there around 5 ish and we immediately headed to the sto' for "Friday's Case of Beer" and junk food. (how sad that hummus is now considered junk food to me? but we DID get 2 differing types of OREO) and from there went to a mexican restaurant. they stuck the "2" of us back in the corner in the geriatric section. have you ever known a woman who is in her 40's try to use popular lingo? but it was popular about 4 years ago? yeah, her. and the whole table, because they found her to be a riot when she said "TMI". its kinda like when your Mom says, "you go girl". who says that anymore? ok so did i mention that these women also walked out carrying their own LOW CARB TORTILLA CHIPS!!!! how wrong is this? and on how many different levels? i am starting to really hate Dr. Atkins. he was a brainwasher, i tell ya. and i have several conspiracy theories on this whole low-carb synthetic sugar thing. but this is an entirely different entry. so anyway.....

A's friend and daughter show up. this little girl is 8 going on 35. no lie. and cute to boot. so we laugh and drink. 2 big beers each. ya know the 32 ounce'r. love love love those. and i order in spanish to look all fancy and when our food gets to the table, i realize that my chicken nachos are smothered in onions. i am allergic to onions. i am even a little bit allergic to chicken... so nonetheless, all i needed was a big plate of dusty pecans to round out the meal.

while we eat and laugh, the man with the guitar starts playing music. remember, we are in a MEXICAN restaurant. what does he open with? you guessed it, NEIL DIAMOND! and then plays Cat Stevens, Jimmy Buffett, Neil Diamond, Steve Miller and then we had to leave. only after we sang back up on "Please Come to Boston" (yeah, were dorks, but i am a rockstar too and that trumps dorky anyday)

so we leave because we have a concert to get to. thats right the VILLAGE PEOPLE. when i told my friend angela about it, she said, "ha ha you're a million" shut up. it was cool.

so we do what anygirl who has several beers, a phone, and time on her hands. we Drink-N-Dial.

we started with our friend G and sang aerosmith to her. then we called our friend M who was driving back from dinner. now that girl can out funny ALL of us. and then we tried to call the other #3 and when #3's grandmother said "they are out right now" A said, " ummmm, yeah, That's not a good answer" and hung up. so we ended up calling G again on accident and had to sing to her again. i forget who else we called... i did have 2 big beers.

the concert was outdoors so we could bring in our own drinks and snacks. and i by that i mean half a case of beer. and we damn near finished it. so the people of the village come on and like any red-blooded american, we stand up to show our appreciation and adoration for the VPs. we are shaking our groove things, our bon bons and even kinda shaking it like a polaroid picture... when some JACKASS... comes up to us and VERY rudely says to us, "you make better doors than windows"

let that sink in.

mind you the concert has just started and they have only been on for about 3.4 minutes. this man could have said, "would you mind sitting". but obviously, he had gone from polite to FUCKWAD in 3.2 minutes. to you sir, i say "chew me" may you have seats that are too small for you on airplanes, office meetings, and in church.

but we got past all that. and were the best chair dancers you have ever seen. the VPs put on an awesome show and we were pretty good-n-drunk when we were leaving, so of course we had to call more people. we called the #3 one mo time. and let some random guy try to talk her into getting on a plane that night to come play with us. needless to say, there were to side trips to the airport. so we get back to the house and drink a little more and decide to call our friend S. poor girl has to be deaf by now. A and i are sitting next to each other on a love seat, with a phone in each of our hands and we are not only trying to talk over each others voice sitting so close, we are also trying to talk over our voices on the phone. we were SCREAMING. and laughing and my sides and throat hurt the next day. once we came out of our beer induced comas. surprisingly at 7:30 am. yeah, we stay up late and get up early. we are livin the rock star life.

we make coffee and get our bearings. we fuck off for a while and finally get out of the house. we go to a sports bar called the ThreeDollarCafe. sports bar with a gay name. anyone else see the humor in this? so we have more beers and i order a burger and A orders a veggie quesadilla. because she is vegetarian. and has been for years. until now. she says, while watching me prepare my burger for consumption, that she is, and i quote "about over this vegetarian thing" so, me being the giver that i am, i offer her half of my burger for a bite. at this point she has left a puddle on the floor. i tell her she can eat that half (because i wasnt about to try to take it away from her, that would have been mean) and we finish our lunch. i have never seen anyone make a half of a burger last as long as she did. it was kinda erotic in that not so erotic kind of way.

she's still having her BurgAsms as we leave and go buy girly hair and nail shit. we find a box of purple dye and decide that purple hair for her would be cool. i already have purple hair (again, i am the rockstar) and we leave to go to michaels to buy yarns and sticks for her to teach me how to knit.

we head downtown to a friends coffeehouse where one of the owners is a lot pregnant. i mean she has 13 days left. and she was so damned cute. we have a little coffee... i am my cute "i know how to roast coffee self" A finally gets to relax and then we leave to go to little 5. we eat at the vortex (which i HIGHLY recommend) ted nugent was our server. we had a pitcher of warm, perfume-y pale ale (which i DO NOT recommend) and of course, another BURGER. this one wasnt as good as the first one... and i think it was the one that did her in. we leave and go to a really cool store that makes us giggle like school girls and then home to knit.

we then turn into vegetables. we rocked ourselves into submission. we knit, we watch TV, we then color our hairs. it was bonding. well, we did the bonding the color did not. so we make the midnight run to the local walgreens and get some new color. who knew walgreens had so much shit i cant live without?

we crash and are up again by 8:00 am. we watch monsters inc, we slap the new color on her hair, which now TOTALLY ROCKS and we head out for breakfast. the food was ok. the service was ass. and the family next to us had no business having children. who plunks down their children in a highchair and then whips out not one, but 2 portable DVD players and plops them in front of the kids' faces? how about INTERACTION? how about teaching the child how to behave in public? what happens when your child happens to go somewhere you cant stick them in front of the Brainless Box? needless to say this family made child leashes look good.

so we head back to A's house so i can get my shit and i head home. after lots of beer, lots of laughing, and lots of hugging all weekend long, i am all loved up and headed for home.

i had a fabulous time. next time #3 KY division comes with.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

cafe au lait

so my blog looks kinda like a cafe au lait. which is appropriate, since i AM the CoffeeGoddess.
3 of my friends, well, 2 of them make up 2/3 of our triplety sisterhood, have blogs. and i always have to be a follower.... so here i am.

i am currently sitting here in my jammies (which #3KYdiv LOVES so well) and am writing about the random shit in my head. why does this make sense? i am on a message board full of friends, i have an online diary... and now a blog? what do i possibly have to say that is damned important that it takes not one, but 3 websites to house the crap my little brain spits out? AND why am i trying to even be as funny as the other 3 people i know. that is a task better left for professionals. professional what's, i don't know. but they are funny. like, a lot. and then there's this Dusty guy who is just pee-in-my-pants funny.... whose diary i read... and feel so inadequate when i am done. now, i can hold an audience through a commercial break, but this guy.... they turn the TV off. during the olympics. girls gymnastics. in the nude. at a frat house.
see. THAT'S funny.

but onto more about me... which i DO like to talk about. right? in the jammies. typing. the only sound besides my clakety-clacking is the labored breathing of a one, Simon Avery Uhler, sick kitten. poor man is gonna go any day now. and i HATE it. back in october, our family dog died, then my oldest cat, the my mother-in-law.... and just recently my paternal grandmother and now Simon. i think my husband and i could make mourning a profession. this shit sucks. we were going to the vets on friday for the "big sleep" but found out our regular vet wont be back until monday. so now we have to decide, should we wait until monday? or continue our regularly scheduled nap on friday.

yes, i am trying to make light of this. i am NOT a cold-hearted bitch. i just deal with pain by trying to get some funny out of it. if not, i would be one of those girls who wears all black and listens to morrisey and reads sylvia plath. now dont get me wrong, i am all about making my ass look slimmer, but black gets hot in the summer.

wow. talk about a ramble. see what you are in for?

anyway i have a sick kid. and it hurts to see him like this. his first birthday would be next month. poor little man. lets just work on making it through today, shall we?

more later, when i am not so disjointed in my thoughts.
peace out mo-fos