Friday, February 25, 2005

D-U-N done.

yep. done. finished. completed.
perfected, satisfied, settled, sewed up, shut, stopped, terminated, through, tied up, worked out, and wrapped up.


and working.

mom and i finished the packing around 4 yesterday. with only one "GODDAMMIT!" and only one thing thrown. i did get smacked (for being silly) and i actually got sent to my own room in my own house by my veryownpersonal momma.

AND she had the audacity to tell me i had too many shoes and i needed to "throw some out" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? you don't throw shoes away. especially the 50 pairs WE have. she even said to me , and i quote, "well, you can only wear 2 at a time anyway" just because we have 6 pairs of flip flops between us does NOT mean that's too many. right? am i right? please tell me i'm right.

but we did it. i guess that means we have to move now.
and actually, i don't think i will realize that we are moving until i see Husband. thats when its going to hit me.
yeah, not when i go pick up the truck, pack some of it up, or the fact that all my stuff is in boxes in the dining room. when i see him it will be "oh shit" time.

we are really doing this. we are really moving. honest and for true. BACK to texas. i never thought that would happen.

and i worked my last shift at the coffeehouse last night. it was like any other night. but i DID have some customers bring me gifties. YAY! presents are my favorite.
but there was no pomp. no circumstance. no balloons. no dancing bears. no fireworks. hell not even a card.
gee, nice to see that i made a bigger impression on the customers, than on the staff.
BUT to the Jackass's defense, he did have a huge tradeshow in chicago for which he left yesterday and was a little wound up about that. we had our Going Away, last friday. and we partied like RockStars. (i mean, DUH!)
and we got a little teary on wednesday when we said goodbye. but he called me after the Jimmy Buffett show screaming into my answering machine. so its good to know he was able to recover.

and now, to my point.
this is the last post from #3 SC.

the next one officially will be #3 TX.

we are going to party tonight, pack tomorrow and head em up, move em out on sunday. i think the coin is still in the air whether we are going through the mountains or through atlanta. you know if i had MY way, we would stop IN atlanta (and by that i mean, ALLIE'S house) and have breakfast. maybe i can leg wrestle the Husband into submission.

so, friends, lovers, bloggers, weirdos, numbers,

next time i write, i will be "home".



Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Food Channel Orgy

i married Julia Child's and Emeril Lagossi's Love Spawn. with a little Alton Brown thrown in for spice. i think it might have been a threesome.

my mother and i have packed up over 10 boxes for JUST THE KITCHEN ALONE!!!!
we have more gadgets and doo-dads, whatzits and hooyahs, thingies and doo-hickies than Williams-Sonoma and The Dollar Store combined.

i am now issuing a Moratorium on any and all things purchased FOR us or BY us that can POSSIBLY be used in The Kitchen. not limited to a chocolate fondue pot i have my eye on.

no more!
no mas!

and the kitchen in our new place CANT EVEN FIT A BAKING SHEET IN THE FUCKING OVEN!!!!!
and we have 10+ boxes of kitchen "cootermints"

but i am always fond of MORE soap. please buy accordingly.

love and bubblebaths,

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

a slow trickle from the brain

i am not sure if i have anything funny. i am not sure if i even have anything coherent. but i know i got words. i always got words. (hell, tasty thinks i look sexy in my words)

obviously today is tuesday. i have 3 and 1/2 more days to pack up this apartment. Super Mom came over last night and kicked my ass into gear. even as she was leaving i thanked her and said, "you know i would have never gotten that all done, if you weren't here" and she agreed and said she would be back wednesday. she knows i HATE to pack. i would rather take out the trash. and as some of you know, usher don't do pavement, christel don't do trash.

so yeah. i am not sure why i am dragging my feet on this. i KNOW i am a 4th quarter girl. and i KNOW i say i hate it here, but i am having a hard time leaving. leaving my friends. leaving a job with such awesome potential, leaving my family. i think that's the one that has me stuck in neutral. i have never lived more than 45 minutes away from my family. and now i am going to be a whole big plane-ride away. no more, "just stopping by" no more, "wanna meet for lunch?" no more, "just grab some green beans on your way over." no more, "could you stay here this weekend and watch the dog?"
no more "daddy, can you fix...."
no more "Z, wanna go see a movie?"
no more mommie hugs in 20 minutes or less.

and that makes me sad beyond comparison.

sure, i am excited about moving back to texas. i am excited about Husband and i taking on the big bad world again. i mean sure, yay for new adventures COMMA

BUUUUUUT, i am so nervous. and anxious, and frightened, and excited, and scared, and sad.
and i KNOW i will get over some of this once i get to hug my husband again. the last time i saw him, i put him on a plane to Far Far Away on january 6. for those of you keeping score, that's almost 2 months since i have seen him. and if you think THAT isn't causing any stress in and of itself, well, honey, i got this bridge.....

it feeling disconnected from him that doesn't help any of this process. he isn't here at night to stroke my hair after i drive 30 miles from mom and dads SOBBING, to tell me everything is going to be ok.
he isn't here to help me with the packing, cleaning, stress, etc. BUT he IS there making a home for us. he moved there to make a better life for us. and he is busting his ass working so we can move this weekend. i know all of that. i appreciate all of that. and i try to keep all of that in perspective.

meanwhile, around here, it's Pity Party... party of one. and i need to snap the fuck out of it. i am being silly to worry about half the shit i am worried about like:
what am i going to say to my husband for a 20 hour ride in the moving van?
what if i don't make any friends?
what if Husband doesn't like me anymore after all this time?
what if its weird when we are living together again?

so, yeah. i am playing around in the shallow end of the crazy pool. with a distinct possibility of heading to the deep end this weekend. but like i was telling #3ga, "you gotta get all the way to the bottom before you can push off and get back to the top. "

and i also want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me and Husband in this CUH-RAZY endeavor. i can only imagine how whacked we are when we live together. i am sure its a hunnert times worse that when we don't. at least i thank the military for preparing us for this. we have done this once, and we can do it again. hopefully, this was the last time.

ok, now i gotta go get ready for my last playday with D. bring on the shopping and the tears!

Saturday, February 19, 2005

it's ALIVE!!!

i have my truck back!!!!

i know i didn't finish my story about Atlanta with the Numbers. but the part about the truck goes like this:
my fabulous wonderful mommie drove herownself down to Atlanta on that monday to rescue me. we then drove back up to Commerce to talk to the man about my truck. he told us it was the transmission and it would cost $1000 to fix. we left, went to eat, and weighed our options.

  1. fix it. (with what extra money)
  2. see if he will take payments if he fixes it.
  3. see how much he will buy it for.
  4. rent a car until the move.
  5. use my truck as a trade for another car on their lot.

so we had several things on the table. we also had to wait for his partner, who ran the used car side, to come back from wherever. which was an hour and a half. so mom and i had an hour to kill in Commerce. i said, "let's go to the outlet stores." mom had a different idea. and we left Don's and headed to the right. and drove.. and drove and realized that there wasn't too much out that way, so we turned around in Crack Town. and drove back the way we came. and we drove and drove and drove. and talked and laughed and had a great time exploring.

when we got back, we talked to the partner and he would only give me $500 for the truck. its not worth it to me emotionally to sell my truck for $500. so, Husband calls and says, "fix it. we will deal with the money later."

so i leave my truck in Commerce. which is almost an hour and a half from where i live. and am told that it will be ready in a week.

later in the week, he calls to tell me that the transmission he got to replace it doesn't work right. so he now has to take the "newer" trans out and find another one. BUT he is going out if town on tuesday and wont be back until thursday and he will get to it on friday. so its now 2 weeks without my truck. i call on tuesday to see if they located a better trans. they had and it was on its way to don's shop.

i called don yesterday, because he was back in town and had probably put the new trans in. it hadn't even gotten there. and don had a Dr's appointment in Atlanta and would be back around 5. great. and he hoped the trans would be back by then.

i called at 4 and his daughter said that the new trans had gotten there an hour earlier, it had come from a WORKING vehicle and her dad would either put it in that night, or first thing this morning.

i got a call at 9:30 this morning from Dons daughter letting me know that i can come pick my truck up today. she said he drove it home and it was fine.

so, mom and i headed to Commerce at 11:30 and i was driving home by 2.

so, YAY i have my truck.

but the more wonderfuller part is the awesome mommie who drove all over the world to help me with my dilemma. thanks mom. you have been greater than i can ever tell you. i love you. wanna go for a ride in my truck?

because this is how the numb3rs roll.

or, a lazy-girl's blog entry.

IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? and by house you mean hut, right? on an island.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING? i have this pair of cut off shorts that i am so NOT allowed to wear out of the house. they are a little "cheeky" in the back, also i LOVE pajama bottoms.

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT? i bought audioslave and gwen stefani for Husband for christelmas

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? real damn early. otherwise known as the "Butt-Crack of DAWN"

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? my blue kitchenaid mixer (and since we brought her brother, the BLUE food processor, home, we are a very happy family)


FAVORITE COLOR? purple. but red is creeping in as a nice second choice.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV? i would like to have a toyota 4 runner AND a porsche turbo 911 cabriolet.


FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? choose your own adventure, anything written by judy blume or beverly cleary


IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? you mean other than the ones i already have? i would like to have the ability to make people recognize their jackassery and then they fix it on their own. like the spirit of christmas past with a little golden lasso of truth thrown in.

IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT? i have 3: a celtic trinity symbol (see i was a 3 LONG before i was one of the 3s), chinese symbol for 'rabbit', the gaelic word for knowledge, 'aithne'. i wanted a nine-pointed star, but the #s got kicked out of a tattoo parlor before THAT happenend.

CAN YOU JUGGLE? life. not stuff.

THE ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO? my Pop. i bet he had way more wild stories to tell me.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY? any day above ground is a good one, or friday.

WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR/TRUCK: nothing. but it DOES RUN again. i am going today to get it! YAY!

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? hamburger. more specifically, the Blue Burger from the vortex.


WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? someone who isn't reading this.

WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM? stole it from #5 - tasty. and then again from #3. and, oh yeah, i also nicked it from #3, too.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? fleur de lis irises

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL? breakfast. preferably after a slumber party, or with family.


DESCRIBE YOUR PJS. a t-shirt declaring that i am "Property of the USMC"

because i have to do what the numb3rs tell me to.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

karmic belly laugh

yeah, i have allergies.

but last night confirmed one i had been trying to ignore. its sad. its SO sad. its SO VERY sad.






yep. last night by the time i had half my beer, i had the sniffles. by the time i finished it, i could hardly breathe through my nose.

i am allergic to beer!!!!

like i needed another FOOD allergy.
now, you may be saying to yourself that "beer isnt a food."

but my favorite food group is any thing that ends in "AND BEER"

you know:

pizza and beer.
wings and beer.
burgers and beer.
oreos and beer.


the upside is that it goes away after a few hours. i am sure it's the yeast or something about the way it's made that is related to mold. the fermentation, perhaps?

but it doesnt change the fact that i am ALLERGIC TO BEER.

guess i better switch to hard likker.
anyone for a round of shots?

Monday, February 14, 2005

hearts and chocolates and flowers

yeah, NOT at MY house.

since we are saving all of our pennies for The Move, today is just a monday.

but this is how the conversation went:

Husband: honey, i think we might have to do valentines day once you get out here.
Me: no, see, havent you heard? St Paddy's is the new romantic holiday.
H: it is? i did not know that.
M: yeah, see, people DONT wear green so they can get pinched and hope it leads to groping. very romantical.
H: i see. st. paddy's day....
M: yeah, i just heard about it. its SO the new day for lovers, what with the green beer and the getting "lucky" so if you want i will wear red AND green on march 17th. oh, wait, thats a different holiday.
H: yeah, thats called Christelmas.
M: oh, right.

see. that's why i married him. he just goes with me on all my silly schemes. smart boy.

so, Happy Monday.

and dont forget to send me chocolates on March 17th. i might even let ya pinch me.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

senior year

you can thank allie for my dear love of all things quiz/survey related.
here you go copycatters.


[What year was it?]

[What were your three favorite bands?]
pearl jam, indigo girls, and tool

[What was your favorite outfit?]
jeans and a t-shirt

[What was up with your hair?]
it was in the hippie growing out stage (also i was trying to grow out the perm…eww)

[Who were your best friends?]
angela and jenny

[What did you do after school?]
smoked pot and hung out at the park

[Did you take the bus?]
my freshman year. until i got marge.

[Who did you have a crush on?]
kyle, scott, ben, brian, matt, mike, chris

[Did you fight with your parents?]

[Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?]
christian slater

[Did you smoke cigarettes?]
where do you think i learned?

[Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?]
nope, i lugged AND stuffed

[Did you have a 'clique'?]
the Elite Bunch of Freaks

[Did you have "The Max" like Zach, Kelly, and Slater?]
no, we had the park. it was all we needed.

[Admit it, were you popular?]
and by popular you mean weird, right?

[Who did you want to be just like?]
a mix of angela, kristin, jenny, and mandy

[What did you want to be when you grew up?]
cool. and a massage therapist. 1 outta 2 aint bad!

[Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?]
married (check)
kids (uncheck)
living in texas (almost check)
working for myself (almost check)

(*stolen from april's blog )

Friday, February 11, 2005

my new digs


check me out!!!!!

how much do i rock now?

yeah? and then some!!!!

as a Valentine's gift to me from my darling friend,
Seven, i got myself a hot new blog.
thanks, so much!

i rock, in STYLE now.

also, my friend Dan Cvammen did the art on the sides. he painted my portrait last year for Husband for Valentine's Day. check him out. he is amazing.

kinda like my new template!

an interim post or, how i lost my groove

so i am a little long-winded. but until the cramps in my hands go away from posting about the Famous Numbers Slumber Party, i have a little post to warm my hands up.

yesterday was weird. i couldn't get in my groove. i was having a very hard time multi-tasking. (think it might be the stress?) and we had a few strange events occur yesterday. the first one was the rude woman who thought it was ok to make fun of our employees. not only to their faces, but to the other employees as well.
as you know, i work in a coffeehouse. and the majority of our employees have some variation of ADD. add to that caffeine and it makes work REAL DAMN FUN. we have one girl, D, who is new and has been told by her veryownpersonal therapist that she has "the attention span of a gnat". and there you have it. so she has a short attention span and she's fidgety. and by that i mean she plays with her hair. which is fine. we are trying to work with her on NOT doing it while she is waiting on customers.

BUT, one morning, she was. she ever so genuinely and nicely asked a woman what she could get for he, while twirling her hair. the woman started twirling her hair and said in a valley girl voice, "umm, can i get, like, some coffee?" this is a grown ass woman making fun of our sweet little D and right in front of her face. needless to say, D held up perfectly and realized what the woman was doing and told the lady that she has a bad habit of doing it, but she's working on it. and the grown ass woman starts trying to back-pedal and stumbling over her words because D called her out. kudos to D. and over time, we proceeded to let the rest of the employees know about what happened because we all back each other up.

cut to yesterday. a woman and her husband came in. she looked at J and said, "i'll have whatever you made me the other day". he stared back at her, obviously running through his mental rolodex of our some 400 customers and tried to recall what this woman had.

AND we were also working on a big call-in order as well.

she then told him that she wanted a grande cup, with a little bit of chocolate, 3 shots and steamed milk. i said, "that sounds like you want a mocha". so he then asked if she wanted a little bit of chocolate or the normal amount. she said she wanted the normal amount. at this point i stepped in and said, "well that's still called a mocha."
as i was making her drink, she looked down and saw the call-in order we were working on and said, "those look good, what are those?"
"well, those are called MOCHAS, imagine that." (oh the irony was delicious)
she then asked where "Twister" was. i IMMEDIATELY knew she was talking about D told her "well, that was a mean thing to say."
she said, "why? you knew who i was talking about... and where's 'Stretch' too?"
J gave her a funny look because he didn't know what she was talking about. i said, "she means D and L"
she said, "no, i mean Twister and Stretch."
she then started explaining it all to J and myself and in mid-sentence, i just look up and ask, "did you want whipped cream on your MOCHA?"
she stopped talking and then said, "ooh, she doesn't like me"
i said, "no, i just asked if you wanted whipped cream"
and she began the back-pedaling again. once they finally left i explained to J that she wasn't giving D and cute nickname, she was making fun of her. at this, J got mad and said, "no one picks on OUR employees." how sweet is that?

so i was still seething about this woman and one of my regulars, whom i have been serving for 4 years (he followed me from the 'other place') came in and i told him about the Mean Mocha woman. he said, "i'll top that"

K works at a shoe store that is residing in an old grocery store. they have THOUSANDS of shoes. (i love it there) but with retail, comes bullshit.

he started telling me that he was on the phone with his supervisor the other day and a large black man in his 40's comes up to him, takes the phone out of his hand, hangs it up and then tells K that he "needs some help"

EXCUSE ME? did i hear you right? did you just say that this man HUNG UP THE PHONE you were talking on? with your supervisor? yes ma'am, sure did.

as K stood there, holding the phone, with a bewildered look on his face, the man said, "i need some help."
K asked him if he realized that he was ON THE PHONE and then asked him if he noticed the other sales associates. the man said, "you were the only one who wasn't doing anything and the customer is always right."
K, still with the look on his face, answered the ringing phone in his hand. it was the supervisor calling back. asking him if they had been disconnected. K told the super what happened and the super was shocked. but still told K to calm down and take care of the man, and call him back later.

at this point, the man had gone over to some of the shoes and started giving K a ration of shit.
you don't have this in a bigger size?
you don't have this in a different color?
this shoe doesn't fit right?
is this all you have?
i don't like the way this shoe looks.
and on and on and on.

had i been K, knowing that he is an EXPERT kickboxer, i would have said to the man, "you wanna see some shoes? how about this shoe?" as i delivered a perfectly executed roundhouse the man's noggin.

you HAVE to be kidding me? the man got frustrated, talked shit about K's store and selection of shoes and FINALLY left.

had i NOT dropped him like a ton of bricks on the floor, i would have had him escorted out by the police. before he could have picked up a single shoe.

that put my day WAY into perspective. i wish i had a sack as big as that mans. you gotta be some kind of brave or some kind of asshole to pull shit like that. wow.

moral of the story:
people in retail deal with MORE shit on a daily basis, than you can imagine. please treat them like humans. usually you will get the same treatment in return. if not, we will share your story with the whole wide world on the internet. oh, and karma's a bitch, too.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

and then what happened?

where was i?

oh yeah, being rescued.

we made it back to Allie's house without any hitches. much laughter. no hitches (i personally know that Tasty is laughing at the word 'hitches'. as long as she is not "shrieking with glee" we are ok)
i sat in the back seat with Tasty and all we did was giggle. this woman and i cannot be around each other and NOT giggle. hell, we cant even call each other on the phone. it is SO counter-productive. mainly because we cant get over the fact that we are in each other's space. but i digress.

we pulled into Allie's driveway, i unloaded all my crap, and we headed towards the front door. no sooner have i hit the threshold and Lola has "Into The Mystic" playing. if you know me, you know how much this touched me. if you don't know me, then... you lose.

we got inside and i could smell the fried chicken that was fried eleventeen hours ago and all i wanted to do was dive into it. we all feasted and laughed and commenced with the beers. (i really needed one) we gave out presents and laughed and ate and laughed and hugged and ate some more. once we all settled down, we decided to put on our jammies and let the 3 day Slumber Party begin.

as i was unpacking my bag, i noticed a red spot on my white shirt. and then more red spots. and then the stickiness. and i realized i had a half a bottle of RED NYQUIL empty itself in my bag. fucking yay. and it was ALL over my makeup, my clothes, my shoes, the inside of my bag... it was EVERYWHERE. i took everything upstairs and did inventory. i washed what was covered and set everything else aside. luckily my jammies were spared.

now Allie and Tasty are hot-natured. and by hot-natured,i mean "likely to spontaneously combust" so, it was cold in the house. as the Husband says, it was "Balls Cold" (which i take to mean so cold, you have no balls?) so i was bundled up in my jammies, Tasty's fleece, and a blanket. i think i had a scarf on, too (Lola knitted it for me, DUR) and we were blowing up air mattresses and still giggling. we sat and talked until the wee hours of the morning and then we began the Snore Olympics.

HOLY MONKEY can these women snore!!! Dandy has sleep apnea which means she wins, hands down. BUT on top of that, Tasty and Lola were both getting sick which made them mouth-breathers, thus snorers. i remember at one point in the middle of the night, Allie yelled "please, for the love of all that's good and holy PLEASE stop snoring!" Lola later called it the Phil Spectre Wall Of Sound. it really was deafening.
i think we all got a decent amount of sleep and roused ourselves from slumber around 10 am. (i love sleeping in). Allie got up and made coffee... and made the comment about it being a lot of pressure to make coffee for me, with me being the Coffee Goddess and all. let me just say, she did a FABULOUS job.

the girls ate pancakes, i really wanted the Hershey's kisses in the other room, but i had biscuits. we lounged for SEVERAL hours and talked and laughed and eventually got showers. we FINALLY hit the road around 2 or 3. and we headed to Atlanta. Little Five points, to be more exact. we ate lunch at our favorite place (mine and Allie's) and discussed our tattoo idea further. we thought it would be a great idea to get tattoos since we were all 5 in one place. and the idea of what were getting evolved several times from 5 dots to a five petaled flower to a fairy ring of five, five petaled flowers to a 9 to a star and we finally agreed upon a 9 pointed star. i figured there was going to be a minimum no matter where we went. and the tattoo wasn't even going to be as big as a quarter. we couldn't see spending 50 bones on something so small. but we shopped around anyway.

we had big nasty burgers with lunch and took lots of pictures and made phone calls and drank warm beers. we WERE going to call The Pork, but knew we had other shit to do and didn't want to have to wait for him.
we left there and went to do a little shopping, but really were focused on the tattoos. everywhere we went wanted 50 bucks. and for 5 people, that's a pretty good amount of business. but the thing was, its GUARANTEED business. why not cut us a deal? but NOOOOOO..... they wanted $250 for 5 stars.

we left there and were driving back to Allie's when we got stopped at a road block. i figured it was because of the abduction of a little girl. Allie said it was for drug busting. i said "no way" and as we passed through it, there were people getting arrested and hookers getting hassled. umm, "yes way"

we drove around to show the girls the church where Rev. MLK Jr used to preach. i was unable to take in the sights since i was on the phone with the Husband explaining to him the situation with the truck. yes, they think it's the transmission. yes it will probably cost us a thousand dollars. do we want to sell the truck? do we want to trade in the truck? do we want to fix the truck? where are we going to come up with the money for fixing the truck? will the guy take payments? and on and on and on. at least i had called work and told them i was stranded. so i had until monday to get it all figured out.

as we were driving back to Allie's, she remembered a new tattoo place by her house. we figured let's give it one last shot. and YAY, there was a sign out front, "2 for 1 tattoos" YIPPEE!
we pile into the tattoo place and both artists are currently inking. we look around at the art on the walls and then the very tall, very cute, very nice man asks us if we need any help. Tasty and i do the talking since we are the ones who already have ink (so we are pro's in the tattoo world????) and we told him our situation. he said he said that he could see our dilemma, but to come back another time when we all had saved our pennies for a $50 tattoo. because the 2 for 1 deal was for 2 tattoos on one person. how much sense does THAT make? we then explained to him that we represented 5 states and us getting back together really soon was like us saying "no" to chocolate covered sex. he got our point and went to see what he could do.

he came back and said they wanted $50 a piece. the end. so, Tasty and i had been toying with the idea of getting something pierced. and we were talking to Hot Tattoo Boy and he then said, if you all get tattoos, we will throw in a piercing for free.

hmmmm.... interesting.

as we were discussing that, Allie was flirting with HTB and he was making jokes about having a negotiator. and how Tasty and i would get all the info, and then take it back to the group for their approval. which was indeed the case. also we were stalling to flirt with HTB.
while we were talking it over, someone said that Tasty should get her bellybutton pierced and it would be like a hitch. to this she shrieked with glee. and then...
JackAss Tattoo Man said to us, "it's fine if you have fun and laugh, but we cant have you screaming like that and carrying on." like we were 10th graders. and Tasty looked at Allie and asked what she wanted to do. Allie said, "i was in until about 30 seconds ago"
and we gathered our belongings and headed for the door. HTB held the door for us and as i walked out i wanted to say, "THIS is what $250 looks like walking OUT your door" and the girls wanted to take him with us because we know he would have had WAY more fun with us. so, for the sake of conversation, we got kicked out of a tattoo parlor at 6 on a saturday night.

i love being a drama queen.

stay tuned for part 3 of Trip To The Numbers Trilogy.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

My Trip to See The Numbers by Christel

my trip starts out WAY differently than the others. since i only live 2 1/2 hours away, i was able to work the day i left. after work, i went and got 2 new rear tires figuring it made more sense to spend the money on the tires instead of spending the money on a rental car. (this will come back to bite me in my ass.... remember that). after tires, i head home and finish packing. i FINALLY hit the road at 3:15.

i was cruising along.... listening to John Mayer.... drinking my RockStar energy drink... (all 16 ounces)... and was headed to Allie's. i have been on the road for a little over an hour and then my truck stops going when i push on the gas. and for some reason, i can't get my gear shift out of 5th gear. that couldn't be good. i slowed to a stop under a bridge on the side of the highway, yanked my truck out of 5th and turned it off to see if by some miracle i had gained the knowledge to diagnose the problem. and oh yeah, there was smoke coming out of the engine. i bravely extracted myself from my truck and went to open the hood. and its closed so tight i cant get my hand in there to pull the latch. (sometimes it wont catch, so we have to slam it shut, which means its closed more than it should be) i got back in the truck to see if i could find anything to use to yank the latch. the only thing i could find was one of Husband's old wine keys. and since i wasn't above it, i got back out and tried it. i yanked and pulled and tugged and heaved. to no avail. i got back in the truck and called the one person a girl calls in an emergency. her mommie.
(oh yeah, did i mention that i only had one bar on my cell phone battery?)
so mom tried to call cingular roadside assistance. and i was waiting and waiting for her to call back and tell me a truck was on its way. and i was starting to get the impulses from my bladder that, while that energy drink has done its job of energizing, it is now finished with the liquid part of it and would like to rid itself ANY TIME NOW.
mom called back after 20 minutes. she told me that she was on hold and they told her to tell me to dial #HELP. because the 800 number they gave her wasn't working. i called them, and the woman asked where i was. now, i am such a clever girl and pay attention to my surroundings, BUT the only thing surrounding me was the bridge, trees, highway, and vehicles. the only sign i saw was the one in front of me that had BANKS COUNTY posted on it. the bridge didn't even have a number or name on it. no billboards, no mile markers, no buildings. just me and the highway. and since i couldn't get the hood up, there was also NO ONE STOPPING.
she told me that i now had to call 911 and have them locate me through some satellite thing. ok sure, no problem. once i got over the fact that i was calling 911 and the guilt of not having a REAL emergency (like bleeding) i got a hold of a really nice man who informed me that they hadn't moved to phase 2 or 3 so they didn't have the technology to locate me yet. great. fabulous. marvelous. but we were able to pinpoint me by what i saw and what i had passed. we played the "What do you see, What have you passed" game. but bless his heart, he even asked me what mile marker i was at. if i knew that, do you think i would be calling you?
BUT since i was staring at the BANKS COUNTY sign and had passed the Weigh Station (which was closed) and hadn't made it quite to Commerce, he told me i was at Mile Marker 155 1/2. no lie. and i was. exactly. Thank you DPS man. so i relayed my location back to mom and had her take care of it from her end where she has battery power and a potty. which meant i then had to look for one. i was unable to climb the embankment under the bridge to go looking above me, so i started hoofing it back to the north. i found a clearing where i could then climb up over a hill and head back to the bridge above me, or i could seclude my ass just enough to hang it out. also there are beer cans and random food bags lying on the ground so i started to think, "what if i have stumbled into some serial killer's hide-out?" (because i have an active imagination, you see.) but the trash wasn't too fresh, so i took my chances. i made sure i could still see the highway, and became one with nature. which is NO EASY TASK FOR A GIRL. i made my way back to my truck and had been on the side of the road for an hour. mom has called allie and informed them of the situation. i called my Husband and he was helpless in the situation, so i sat. and finally got a call back from roadside assistance. she let me know that they have found a truck that can come get me and will charge them $50 but will charge me $20. and then i lost her. so she called back. at this point i told her, "look, i have a phone that's about to die, i have been here for almost 2 hours, i don't care who you send, or how much it costs. just send someone to get me RIGHT NOW!" she snaps to and within 10 minutes i heard from the truck that's coming to get me. he let me know "that he can only tow me 10 miles for free and its $3 a mile after that and blah blah blah... " at that point, i was starting to lose my composure. with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes i told this man that "i don't care. i just don't care, i have been here for 2 hours and could he please just come get me, please?" and he was then on his way.

meanwhile, the girls have decided that they will drive up to Commerce and pick me up. and i thought they were on their way to me 30 minutes prior to the tow truck man coming to get me. it was dusk, and i had to pee again. and i was NOT going back into the woods to pee in the nature and in the dark. you can call me chicken shit. you can call me a scaredy cat, you can even call me a girl... but call me ALIVE and SMART.

i watched the tow truck drive by on the northbound lane. and i was on the phone with mom when i saw him. so she knew help was on its way. (they told her that they would call her and let her know what was going on) and so, i was doing the Tee-Tee Dance like a mad woman in my truck waiting for the trucker. He got there, and jostled me and my bladder and everything in my brain getting my truck on his. i asked him if he would take me to a gas station before we went anywhere else. he started in with the "10 miles for free... and then..." i let him know, gently but firmly that "i didn't care and needed a bathroom". i then started looking for places to fix my truck. at 6:30 on a friday. and "most places is closed already n they aint open tomorruh neither" well, fuck Cletus, what is it that you suggest i do? he told me of a place that might still be open. i called, they were. we stopped to pee and headed to Don's. i had also assumed that the girls were on their way. i let them know before we headed to Don's to "just head north and i would tell them the exit". because they were over an hour away.

i told Don what happened and he said he would take a look at it tomorrow. and he will call me for anything. he said i could sit and wait for my friends. i plugged my phone into the wall and called the girls. i was informed that #3 KY and #5 IN had JUST gotten there and they were headed out the door as we spoke. and then i hear someone say, "it wont start? what do you mean it wont start?" and then Allie's friend's van won't start. thus ensued the hysterical laughter on their end and the tears on my end. i just wanted to be at Allie's. they all piled into #5's car and headed my way. finally. so i was sitting in the "waiting room" of some podunk auto repair station, in a podunk town, with a big tree frond in my face because its the only clean chair and i was freezing because i was sitting right by the glass doors. i had a book, though. its one i had read and was taking to Allie, but hey, it beat reading Auto Trader.

an hour later, they got there. and lots of hugging. and i was now safe. i called mom and Husband and let them know that the girls were there. we then piled into the car and headed to Allie's.

this concludes Part One of the Trip To The Numbers Trilogy.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


here is just a wee post to whet your appetite for the stories to unfold.

this is the meaning. i will tie it all in later.

The Fruit of the Spirit is these nine things.
* love
* joy
* peace
* patience
* kindness
* goodness
* faithfulness
* gentleness
* self-control

these are all symbolized in the Nine-Pointed Star.

Friday, February 04, 2005


yep. its TODAY!

i just got back from getting 2 new rear tires!!!! yay for the WonderTruck!

i am packing my bags and headed south! #3 KY and #5 IN are already en route. #3 GA and #4 WV are prolly already half-drunk.

i cannot stand how much fun we are going to have. it will be illegal.
please have bail money available.

miss me.
love me.


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

WHO DIS?!?!?!?!

when i think about this weekend, the first thing that pops into my head, is my telephone greeting with #3 GA. "WHO DIS?!?!?!"

she has a client who answers his phone like that. not "hello".... not "this is joe".... not "speak"...

but "WHO DIS?!?!?!" of course WE yell it. so, if you ever are standing next to me while i answer the phone and yell, "WHO DIS?!?!?!" it's allie calling.

but back to my point (yay for the buzz from diet pills and energy drinks.... self-induced ADD)
i had intended on writing about packing up this shithole. and i prolly will get to it eventually, but i am REALLY excited about this weekend. i hate that its just a weekend. i wish it were, oh, say, a MONTH. in bora bora. ooh... i think i felt a tingle.

ok, back to the packing.

i just took out 2 huge bags of trash from JUST MY BEDROOM. why?
because my husband and i are PACK RATS. of professional magnitude.
among the items thrown away:
  • magazines from 2001
  • padded envelopes with eBay stuff still in them
  • a plastic albatross
  • a scruffy old baseball
  • remnants of yarn
  • cards upon cards that i never sent
  • cards upon cards that we have received
  • old bills
  • batteries
  • unmatched socks (because i threw out thier mate months ago)
  • a bag of catnip (?)
  • a bundle of ink pens

see. this is RIDICULOUS! no more! in our new place, i will make sure we THROW things away. when are we ever going to use movie stubs? empty altoids tins? a PLASTIC ALBATROSS?????

meanwhile, i still have to finish knitting an afghan.

wanna go ride bikes?