7 am

it's 7 in the morning and i just got back from the airport. i put my husband on a plane.... and now i am sad.

the next time i see him, we will be moving to amarillo. that will be 7 weeks from now. the hard part is NOT the 7 weeks. the hard part is that we finally made some headway in getting back to "us", and then he had to leave.

him being in amarillo was harder that either one of us was willing to admit. and a lot of the blame can actually be put on me. see, despite my smartass and glittery exterior, i am really a bitch. a mean bitch. no....really. and being a bitch can get you in trouble. unless there is someone in your life that accepts that side of you and just takes the bitchiness. and that, was my poor husband. sadly, i have been the worst to my husband and he finally got fed up. he got tired of hearing me bitch and BE a bitch. so, he then quit talking to me. which made me more upset, because all i got were 5 minute phone calls. you can't sustain a marriage on 5 minute phone calls. so, since neither of us tried to sustain it, it got a little dented. not broken, just dented. like 10% off at the checkout, dented.

this past week with him home has been rough to say the least. lots of silence, lots of anger, a WHOLE lot of tears, and a little bit of happiness. but, we have dug down inside ourselves and admitted and shared and compromised and touched on the chewy center of ourselves and decided that this marriage IS one worth saving. and we are gonna do everything it takes to get it right again. we will not be needing the services of all the kings horses and all the kings men at this time.

that being said, hopefully and truthfully, you can expect a few changes around here. the new year will bring on a NEW christel. a much nicer and calmer and more loving christel.

• one who accepts her surroundings, instead of trying to find everything wrong with them.
• one who not only loves her husband, but lets him FEEL it as well as HEAR it.
• one who will try to gain as much joy out of the last weeks she has in South Carolina, because had it not been for living here, i would not have met, or fallen in love, or gotten married, or met all the wonderful people who are in her life.
• one who puts on a happy face, even if she doesn't feel like it, because sometimes "you gotta fake it till ya make it".
• one who looks for positive things, instead of negative things.
• and one who is pleasant to be around and truly is able to enhance her life with those whom she surrounds herself.

for those of you who are my very own personal friends, please be patient and understanding with me. the girl i am searching for is not a new girl, just a girl we haven't seen in a while. we like her.

for those of you who have just stumbled across me, get ready for a wild ride. the new girl is TONS more fun than the crusty mean bitchy one.

happy new year.

with love,

christel