clarity

when i was on the phone with #3ga, the other night, she said something horrible to me. after telling every last ugly detail of the Misadventures of Meany Christel, and then telling her about how much easier is is to be nice than mean and that it's a nicer way of living and all that other psycho-babble crap that's true.... she says to me, "i am going to tell you something really horrible. You. Are. A. Grown. Up."


GASP!

how dare she? such profanity. it would be like calling me responsi.... respon..... re.... you know, THAT word. it was like sunlight to a vampire.

and the shitty thing.... it's true.
i have to start acting like a grown ass woman. we all know deep down that i am a 7 year old trapped in this chubby 29 year old body. but the fact is, i can't keep acting like i was. i got the slap in the face. and like the old adage, you dont know what you have until you lose it.... or almost lose it. and i almost lost it. that fact shook me to the core.

and the stupid thing is, this is such a small HUGE problem.
it could have been so much more awful. i could have been an alcoholic... a drug addict.... a real crazy person. (more so that i actually am)

seriously. how dumb was this? hey christel, be nice, or else.

fuck. i feel stupid because this was even an issue. embarassed, ashamed, and hurt.

to those of you have ever been on the pointed end of my tongue, i am sorry. i know how acidic it can be. for those of you who have expressed that you have loved me up to now and will love the Nice Christel too, you will never know how much it rocks to have friends like you.
i owe everyone a big fat Thank You.


and i promise the next post will be RIFE with funny.

and here is a song that says a lot to me right now:
Clarity by John Mayer

I worry, I weigh three times my body
I worry, I throw my fear around
But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on
Well all I got's
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
That it won't and it won't because it can't
Because it just can't
It just can't
It's not supposed to
Was there a second of time that I looked around?
Did I sail through or drop my anchor down
Was anything enough to kiss the ground?
And say I'm here now and she's here now
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
So much wasted in the afternoon
So much sacred in the month of June
How bout you
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
When it won't and it won't
Because it won't
And I will waste no time
Worried 'bout no rainy weather
And I will waste no time
Remaining in our lives together