the mexican (mocha)

i am amazed on a daily basis exactly how many people make it OUT of their houses without bursting into flames for being so stupid.

this man came into the store this afternoon. he asked all sorts of questions about the sugar-free items we have available. here is how the conversation went:

him: how many carbs are in your sugar free mexican mocha?
me: (checking) hmm... there are no carbs in the syrups we use, therefore the only carbs would come from the dairy.
him: so there are are no carbs in your sugar-free syrups.
me: right. just checked.
him: well sometimes the sugar-free stuff has carbs.
me: ours don't. (with sly smirk)
him: ok, then i want the grande sugar-free mexican mocha... the one with the blender.
me: OH, that is going to have a substantial amount of carbs, that's a different ingredient for making the frozen drinks.
him: oh, so the blender ones have more carbs? i mean the one with the... (he sticks his pointer finger towards the sky and makes a circle with it)
me: yes sir, the frozen drinks, with the shaved ice have more carbs. i can make you this drink over ice, using milk, which will cut down on the carbs drastically.
him: so that's with the shaved ice?
me: no sir, that's OVER ice. with ice cubes and regular milk.
him: nah, i'll just have the grande mexican mocha, sugar-free.
me: ok so that is a HOT drink now? (he nods) now what kind of dairy do you prefer? whole, skim, or half-and-half?
him: oh, you have half-and-half... i want that.
( i go grab the cup and start putting the syrups in it)
him: is that the largest size you have?
me: no sir, i have a 24 ounce.... but you asked for the grande (he is staring at the menu trying to find a 4th size) we added a 4th size AFTER our menu was printed, so its not on there, but we have a 24 ounce size, which would be our largest.
him: well how much is that?
(i turn around to look at the menu to figure out how much a 24 ounce breve with flavor would be, meanwhile we have a line of customers forming.. i ask E to ring it up to give him a total, it was $4.57 he looks the menu and tells me that a "mexican mocha is less than that")
me: well sir, you got a breve with a flavor, that's a different price.
him: no, i got a mexican mocha.
me: you want a breve with mexican mocha syrups. the breve is made with half-and-half, therefore it is more expensive
him: well you just asked me what kind of milk i wanted, you didn't say that one was more expensive than another. (E rings up a mega mexican mocha totaling $4.04)
me: so, does that mean you want me to make this with MILK instead?
him: yes, now that's sugar-free right?
me: the milk changed, sir, NOT the syrups. (with the "could you be MORE stupid" tone)
(i proceed to make this man's drink.... slamming shit around and hand him his drink and i don't say anything.... he takes a sip of it and asks E if it needs sweet and low. she says, "i guess, if you think it does"
me: it shouldn't need it, it should be plenty sweet enough.
him: well, its not.
me: the sweeteners are over on the bar.
him: what about the whipped cream?
(E tells him that it has carbs because it is sweetened with our regular syrups... he decides after ALL of this that he wants whipped cream, too and LOTS of it)

now i have to make the 48 drinks that have lined up in the time it took to get this jackass's order right. i noticed he was wearing a shirt that said "blah blah Hypnotherapy" and i began to wonder, do they have hypnotherapy for being a jackass? or maybe... his behavior was a result of a JOKE that someone played on him, "while he was under" ya know, you hear a bell and start barking.... someone takes your drink order at a coffeehouse, and you become an utter asshole? it could happen, right?

i just hope he seeks help somewhere. and i hope he doesn't come back here. because if you cant spare an extra .50 on a cup of joe..... then you might want to start making your coffee at home.

and you thought slingin coffee was easy.