tuesday, take two

ok, so my first post today was total bullshit. it was a draft from JANUARY. i just didnt have anything to give, this morning. so i did the lazy girls blogging. and felt bad that i had nothing to give.

and then.....

i saw this.

and then i saw this.

and that reminded me that:

1. this is MY blog. i don't have to be funny all the time. i try. it's self-defense. it's ingrained. but NOT gonna happen all the time. if you want funny this time, then skip ahead in your reading. TODAY is not the day for funny.
2. i have awesome friends. Numbers, Fractions, Queens, Special K, Ang, Jenny, and my veryownpersonal FAMILY. and soon, my Husband, again.
3. It's ok to hurt. and i do. a lot right now. a whole lot. but it's ok. and ummm... err... it will be too.

i could go totally journally right now. but let's just have the cliff's notes.

1. i hurt my husband.
2. for a long time.
3. he, in response, "checked out"
4. i got angry.
5. and hurt him some more.
6. and he got angry.
7. for a long time.
8. we have talked it out.
9. we have yelled it out.
10. i have cried it out.
11. we are working on "hugging it out"
12. responsibility and accountability are big words.
13. with BIGGER repercussions.
14. i think we are on the same page.
15. not the same road.
16. but the forks will meet again.

i know it was vague. but though this is MY blog, its still public domain and some things i have a right to leave out. and some things i just need to get out of me.

so, yes, i hurt right now. but we are working on it. together.

the wood song,

by my favorite girls of the indigo variety

The thin horizon of a plan is almost clear

My friends and I have had a tough time

Bruising our brains hard up against change

All the old dogs and the magician

Now I see we’re in the boat in two by twos

Only the heart that we have for a tool we could use

And the very close quarters are hard to get used to

Love weighs the hull down with it’s weight

But the wood is tired and the wood is old

And we’ll make it fine if the weather holds

But if the weather holds we’ll have missed the point

That’s where I need to go

No way construction of this tricky plan

Was built by other than a greater hand

With a love that passes all out understanding

Watching closely over the journey

Yeah but what it takes to cross the great divide

Seems more than all the courage I can muster up inside

Although we get to have some answers when we reach the other side

The prize is always worth the rocky ride

But the wood is tired and the wood is old

And we’ll make it fine if the weather holds

But if the weather holds we’ll have missed the point

That’s where I need to go

Sometimes I ask to sneak a closer look

Skip to the final chapter of the book

And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took

To get us where we are this far yeah

But the question drowns in it’s futility

And even I have got to laugh at me

No one gets to miss the storm of what will be

Just holding on for the ride

The wood is tired and the wood is old

We’ll make it fine if the weather holds

But if the weather holds we’ll have missed the point

That’s where I need to go

baby, i love you.