you're gonna put that WHERE?!?!?!

so, i have an appointment today with the *whispers* girl doctor.

why am i telling you this?

because

A) i've never been

B) i'm 30! (shut up, i said it.)

C) i've NEVER been

D) i promised the boy i would this year.

E) i've never BEEN

F) it's prolly a good idea to go and make sure that i really have all the right parts in there if we ever decide to get with it and have children (i'm still considering out-sourcing, dear)

G) did i mention I'VE NEVER BEEN?!?!?!

so. yeah. i am TERRIFIED. i don't wanna go. i know i need to go, but i don't wanna. AND... i want my mommie there to hold my hand too. how horrible is THAT? i'm 30-fucking-years-old and i still want my mommie there to hold my hand while some man looks at places i don't think you are supposed to even look at. if you were, then it shouldn't require special instruments to do so and it CERTAINLY should be easier to get to. you know, like behind my ear or something less embarrasing. literally emBARE-ASSing.

and they are going to draw blood. peachy. she of the rolling veins. and i bet they wanna WEIGH me too. the bastards. they really know how to ruin a day off. ya know?

so yeah. i'm going. despite the child in me who wants to pretend that there's no need to, i'm going.

wish me luck...

and please send up thoughts of warm speculums and glittery girl parts.