four words

i
heart
taylor
hicks!

no, really i mean it.

he's my pick.

you're gonna put that WHERE?!?!?!

so, i have an appointment today with the *whispers* girl doctor.

why am i telling you this?

because

A) i've never been

B) i'm 30! (shut up, i said it.)

C) i've NEVER been

D) i promised the boy i would this year.

E) i've never BEEN

F) it's prolly a good idea to go and make sure that i really have all the right parts in there if we ever decide to get with it and have children (i'm still considering out-sourcing, dear)

G) did i mention I'VE NEVER BEEN?!?!?!

so. yeah. i am TERRIFIED. i don't wanna go. i know i need to go, but i don't wanna. AND... i want my mommie there to hold my hand too. how horrible is THAT? i'm 30-fucking-years-old and i still want my mommie there to hold my hand while some man looks at places i don't think you are supposed to even look at. if you were, then it shouldn't require special instruments to do so and it CERTAINLY should be easier to get to. you know, like behind my ear or something less embarrasing. literally emBARE-ASSing.

and they are going to draw blood. peachy. she of the rolling veins. and i bet they wanna WEIGH me too. the bastards. they really know how to ruin a day off. ya know?

so yeah. i'm going. despite the child in me who wants to pretend that there's no need to, i'm going.

wish me luck...

and please send up thoughts of warm speculums and glittery girl parts.

of things hermione and laws of physics

this always happens... i posted a drafted blog... and then something blogworthy happens. so please read the post after this one as well.



so, now to the REAL post for today.



remember in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, when Hermione says, "Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?"


i had a Hermione moment today.

i went to "shopping establishment that has a BULLSEYE logo" on my lunch hour today, looking for some more work pants.

i picked 4 cute pair and traipsed my happy self to the dressing rooms.

this is where the laws of physics come into play.


apparently the communist sickos that own said "BullsEye" store have rigged a way that if one stands at exactly the right angle, ONE CAN SEE WHAT ONE'S OWN ASS LOOKS LIKE.


now for some people, like Jenny McCarthy and 10 year old girls, this would be something fascinating and gratifying. for the rest of the world this can be a HORRIFYING experience.

and by, "rest of the world," i mean ME.

i saw it.

in all it's glory.

that which is flawed and wobbly.

in 3D cinemascope.



and let me just tell you, this trick of physics should NEVER EVER be tested. trust me.
certain things should not test those laws. THIS... and size 24 red leather pants. Red Leather Pants should just not come in certain sizes. and if you have found yourself a proud owner of said pants, please, for all of humanity, DO NOT WEAR THEM OUTSIDE*. also for your sake, do not go into a "BullsEye" dressing room.


i have risked that danger and peril for you.


i know, i'm a giver.


needless to say, i left the store with no pants ... and an ass i choose NOT to ever see again. too bad i can't get a refund for that.






*no offense to anyone size 24 or above. i'm just sayin that certain body shapes don't jive with leather. mine included, lately.

tag you're it!

i was tagged by Tasty....

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place.
Then add your blog to the bottom slot.

1. Sara with No H
2. Just Thoughts
3. I Am Prepared to Give Up at Any Time
4. So Much Myself (co-starring the bandwagon.)
5. 3 gallons of coffee and nowhere to go

Next, select five people to tag.

1. ian
2. jenny
3. tex
4. blondie
5. felix

What were you doing 10 years ago? living with the first fiancee, Mike. fighting like cats and dogs, and then i moved out to my own place. i was working at the Chamber of Commerce. i had no clue who i was.

What were you doing 5 years ago? being miserable that my boyfriend was in Japan and Australia until july. working for a wireless phone company. living in SC.

What were you doing 1 year ago? packing to move to amarillo, getting stranded on my way to The Numbers Summit. "Let's do that again. Tomorrow." (ditto, Tasty!) oh and being an anxious nervous wreck. and an ogre on top of that.

Here's to the ultimate luxury: choice.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. my mom's artichoke dip
2. Roasted Raspberry Chipotle Sauce (i'm addicted to this stuff)
3. oreos
4. angela's salsa
5. anything with garlic and cheese
   

Five songs you know all the words to:

1. into the mystic, van morrison
2. baby's got back, sir mix-a-lot
3. lime in the coconut, kermit the frog version
4. spongebob squarepants theme
5. damned near any indigo girls song

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. buy a green dress, but not a real green dress, that's cruel
2. be debtless
3. own a coffee roasting business (if not a plantation, too!)
4. VACAY in Bora Bora for the Numbers
5. charities charities charities

Five bad habits:

1. making fun of dumb people
2. always needing to be right
3. sending people to voicemail
4. leaping before looking
5. procrastination... procrastination....procrastination....

Five things you enjoy doing:

1. goofing around with E
2. knitting
3. playing WoW
4. laughing
5. going to a baseball game

Five things you would never wear again:

1. gaucho pants
2. anything with a cartoon character on it
3. anything with "puff paint"
4. a size 8
5. white shoes
   

Five favorite toys/games:

1. World of Warcrack
2. trivial pursuit
3. drUnkEn UnO
4. our new speedy computer
5. hopefully my new SLVR *sigh*

ok... WHO'S next?

burning desire

i read this Fish's blog and i TOTALLY understand her obsessions.

like the one she wrote about the Senseo coffee maker. i absolutely get that!
ask E about my cobalt blue mixer obsession.

so i have wanted a few things of late, you know, the running list... english bulldog, porsche 911 turbo cabriolet, my own island. you know, THAT list.


but i have a small list as well, usually silly things that i could buy for myself. a few weeks ago it was a striped canvas shower curtain. prior to that it was a set of black dishes, and before that it was a fossil watch.



but now?

oh i yearn.
i ache.
i want! i want! i want!

this:


i need to have it.

for those of you who may not know what it is, it's Motorola's new phone called SLVR. (thin as a sliver, you see....)
it's a phone and it's an iPod. yes, i know they came out with one before. but i want THIS one.

i could have Into the Mystic and Thunderstruck at! my! fingertips!

ANY! TIME! I! WANTED!



yes, yes, i am aware of the thing called iPod. but the one we get will be E's. (he needs more songs, i can get by with 100)

BUT I WANT IT!!!!!
I NEED IT!!!!
I PINE FOR IT!!!!!
I DESIRE IT!!!!
I ACHE FOR IT!!!!!

and for the low low bargain prcie of $200 it could be mine.

*sigh*

hippie chick

so, about this FUNK i have been in.....


yeah.

it's been pretty bad. at the slightest push, i could let forth a torrent of tears to rival Niagara Falls. and THAT'S never pretty.
when an episode of M*A*S*H prompts the BAD cry... you know something's up. (p.s. E grounded me from M*A*S*H for a week because of it)


so, yeah.

but today, a beacon of light... someone commented on Tex's blog about Venus in retrograde. and of course i had to go see what all that affects. (or is it effects?)

and according to astrology.com

• In general, Venus, the goddess of love, rules feelings and emotion, aesthetics and tastes, fashions and all forms of desire, money and wealth. Venus rules social attitudes and behaviour, along with aesthetic tastes and inclinations. Venus symbolises female relationships and social interactions at every level. Venus indicates our values. She governs romance, marriage and other partnerships, capacity for humour, and the pursuit of pleasure.
• During a retrograde period the things Venus influences will be less apparent, or be of less concern to the world. Visual sensibilities are reduced. People dress with less flair and our colour sense tends to be muted. This is not the time to purchase clothes or jewellery, change one's make-up or hairstyle. Redecorating or refurbishing homes or business should also be avoided, though there is no reason why decisions that have been made earlier should not be allowed to come to fruition during this period.
• With Venus retrograde, the pace of relationships slows down and this is not the best time to get married or give big parties. Since Venus rules diplomacy, slowdowns in all sorts of negotiations can be expected, including industrial disputes, legal issues and diplomatic endeavours.
• It is a time when we are called upon to go back and take care of unfinished business. Often we are forced to deal with deep feelings that have their origins in past events. They are activated on an inner level but are often difficult to express to ourselves or others while Venus is retrograde.

WELL, DUH!?!?!?!

that explains a lot. so i called E to let him know that there was an actual reason for my funk. and he sounded like he was as relieved as i was, but was using his "whatever you say, Moon-Child" voice.

i don't care what he thinks. i feel better knowing its not a chemical imbalance, or that my crazy is showing again.

oh, and heads up... Mercury goes into retrograde on March 2. look out!